state of the girl.

I've been feeling different lately. I wouldn't call it a feeling of contentment but maybe more so a feeling of comfort. For those of you who have been reading for a while, you may remember the roller coaster of emotions I dealt with upon graduating college back in May. Knowing that I had just left the last sure thing in my life was really mind boggling. I always knew the academic course I was on. Middle school, high school, college. But college is really the last thing that is for certain. There's no guarantee I will get married and have a family or have a great career, or any career for that matter. Those are all things that I have to work for and at. And I was scared, terrified even. What if I got stuck somewhere along the way to where I am and where I am going? But I took a step back, looked at the little pictures as opposed to the big ones, and I think I am doing just fine. There isn't going to be another time in my life where I can be this selfish. I hate to throw that term around but literally I am doing everything on my own accord lately, and I am finally doing it for ME. I want to work my gym time in to my daily schedule, I want to feel better in my clothes and my skin, I want to splurge on dinners and drinks in the city. The only person I have to be accountable to right now is myself {and my boss of course ;)}. I think I had been so concerned for so long about doing things for other people, that I really just lost myself. So what if I am not saving a whole lot, but my job is getting done and my bills are getting paid on time. I have a roof over my head and food in my tummy. I know who I am and what I have to offer. I always said that I needed to love myself before someone else was going to love me, but I don't think I really ever believed it. Now, I really can't imagine feeling otherwise. I can't say that I am having a full on love affair with me just yet, but it's a work in progress.