November, where did you come from?!

Hello all! It has been a few days.. not to mention we have started a new month AND set our clocks back an hour. If I remember correctly, they were considering doing away with Daylight Savings Time at one point? I don't think I would be opposed. I can remember a time in 6th grade going to the bus stop a whole hour early and being terribly freaked out that no one else was there. Anyways... Lost a follower. Boo. Am I the only one who takes this personally? I know I was gone for a few days but Im still hereeeee... still be my friend! :)

Laptop situation has only slightly improved. I had to order a new power cord, but they told me that there was nothing wrong with my laptop. FALSE. The battery is not charging even though the light indicates that it is and every time I turn it off it sets back to June 15, 2oo7. Interesting.

I registered for my last semester of classes this morning.. Strangeeeee. I feel like I will be the only one who is actually going to be doing work next semester. Seems that way from the number of my friends taking Dance Conditioning. I suppose that's what I get for majoring in Computer Science. Sweet.

My weekend was less than eventful. Was NOT in a festive mood and didnt go out Friday night. Caught up on this season of CSI: NY. LOVE me some Ed*die Cahil*l. (I have seen other people do that so their blogs don't come up when people are searching for the celebs? I doubt anyone will find me but just in case.) He is soo gorgeous.

This weekend brought to head some less than comfortable feelings. Part of the reason I didn't go out/dress up on Saturday was because all of the fraternities on campus have date parties, so you don't really want to show up alone. I know if I had a boy at this point in time I would have been all for getting matching costumes and going out. Without fear of being too vulernable.. I think I am just going to spill all my guts out today... Something I have yet to do on this blog but I figure what the hell..

I am 21 years old, a senior in college, about to be out on my own and I have never been in a committed long term relationship.

That feels SO uncomfortable to say out loud, but it is the truth. I can remember being in middle school and thinking once I get to high school there has got to be a guy for me, and thinking the same thing in high school about college. I have gotten the classic pep talk from girl friends: "It's not you, it's them.. there is a guy out there for you somewhere, you just have to wait, blah blah blah" A girl can only hear that so many times before really starting to question what it is that she's doing wrong. Or maybe that is just me.

My mother also gives me the "Boys are intimidated by you. You're intelligent and independent and they don't know what to do." Again, no one wants to hear that over and over. But I understand where she is coming from.. I have friends who I call chronic daters. They hop from one guy to the next and are absolutely TERRIFIED of being alone. Their whole worth is defined by the fact that they are in a relationship and I feel bad for them because I know that they arent capable of standing on their own but at the same time I can't help but be envious that they have someone.

I think part of my problem is that I have never been terribly self confident. I have had huge body image issues since middle school (which is a whole other blog post in itself), but over time I am learning to be more comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I can't really bring much to a relationship until I figure some things out for myself, and that is a work in progress. I think that in the long run, I will be fine. I went on dates this summer, something that I have never really done before and I am learning that it is a lot more about being the most confident girl in the room than the prettiest. After seeing so many people around me be in unhealthy relationships, I know exactly the kind of relationship I DON'T want and also what I do want and deserve, and I don't intend to settle.

If you made it through all of that, thank you. That felt good to get out.

*In other news, I am having an exceptionally fabulous hair day. Too bad I have to go spend the next few hours in the library. Boo.