This past Friday after a little bit a bottle and a half of wine split between a friend and I, we made our way up the the main street in the city where I live. There are a lot of bars on this street, but I don't frequent it much with being in Manhattan most of my weekends. I end up talking to a guy, and due to the excessive wine consumption engaging in some PDA that would not normally be my style in the least. We have been text messaging back and forth which is really in my opinion the worst way to get to know someone because you can't really tell a person's personality much this way. You don't know the inflection in their voice or if they are trying to be funny. Regardless, as the conversations unfold I just find myself getting annoyed and perhaps overly critical. This, my friends, is my modus operandi. Sometimes I think I am too picky, other times I think I just have a very clear picture of who I want to invest my time in and who I think deserves said time. I got to thinking about an episode of Milli*onaire Matchm*aker. Although she can be brash sometimes, I think Patti is a smart woman. She said that you should make a list of your 5 non-negotiables. I have my list, I know what it is that I am looking for. Part of we wonders if I am adhering to the list too strongly? But there's another part of me that says I have every right to be picky. This is my heart we are talking about after all.
Do you ladies have a list of non-negotiables?
Of course! And honey, you better never ever compromise them. I learned my lesson towards the end of my last relationship. He and I had been dating for almost three years. I found myself not being the true person I was and that he had changed that. I have to have someone that fully supports me and my dreams and he was not doing that. You will find that right person out there, I promise! You should never compromise yourself or the things you want in another person because your love and your heart are not worth risking.
ReplyDeleteI think you should definitely stick to your guns and to your list of non-negotiables..but I think you have to be careful at the same time. A few months back I looked at my list and realized maybe THEY were a little restrictive. I have a horrible habit of being attracted to the same type of man, and let's face it...a lot of that initial attraction is based on superficial elements (looks, dress, polish). I realized that I owe it to myself to losen the list a bit, and to open myself up to guys that might not originally fit the specific picture I have in my head. That being said, there are non-superficial non-negotiables that remain..must be successful, honest, have integrity, love family, etc.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Milltini. Non-negotiables are good to have, but be careful that they aren't things that don't really matter when you are 70 years old. Doesn't matter how tall someone is or how they dress...but, I am no expert!
ReplyDeleteLOVE your blog - found the link at Bun&Borough and now I'm hooked:) This post is touching too - I had a very bad previous relationship and I am now happily married, I can quite honestly say this is due to me sticking to my non-negotiables...
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to being an avid follower x
i was just telling my boss about non-negotiables... i have a list, but he doesn't. mine include
ReplyDelete1. handsome (as in, I have to find you attractive.. not one else does, just me)
2. faithful
3. desire to learn/dedication to education (wants good schools for kids, wants to continue to learn their whole life, curious, explorative)
4. loyal to friends, family, self
5. wants to live near my family (aka Philadelphia)!
Yep. It's a must. I do agree about Patti. She is a mess, BUT...she does know some things :)
ReplyDeleteStick to your guns. As long as your "musts" are reasonable, you aren't being overly picky. I truly believe that!
Yes, you must always stick to your non-negotiables!
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the texting... You can have a 'great' relationship and think you know someone until they come out from hiding behind that device of theirs, and it turns out you don't know them at all! (*Most are willing to say more when they don't have to face the person)
xo!